Archives for February 2022

Meaning of compatible in English:

adjective

compatible

“able to exist, live, or work successfully with something or someone else.”

I regularly get feedback from people telling me that the person they met was ‘not compatible” and hence they would not be seeing each other again. This absolutely stumps me. How on earth you could determine if you are “able to exist, live, or work successfully with something or someone else” after a 30 minute coffee meet is beyond me.

So that means one of 2 things:

1. You didn’t have any chemistry. Which is fine. That’s what you are there to determine. If there is no chemistry, compatibility is irrelevant. If this is the case, that is fine, let’s move on to the next match.
2. You attempted to plan your life with someone you have known for half an hour and, unsurprisingly, you discovered they are not a mirror image of you or a cookie cutter replacement for your past partner.  If this is the case, all is not fine and you’ve sabotaged something that could have been great.

Compatibility between things is quick and easy to determine. You’ll soon find out if the spare part, ink cartridge or coffee pod is compatible with your existing equipment.  Either it will work or it won’t.

People are different. You can’t just insert the person into your life and press go.

The purpose of the first meetup is to determine if you have any attraction and if you enjoy each others company. That’s it.

Compatibility between two people needs to be made. You need to spend time with someone to determine whether you are likely to be able to coexist, and to see if you would even want to!

Sure, some people have an easier start of things because they find they agree on a lot of things and have similar interests. None of this means that you will end up as more than friends though. And those things are certainly not a necessity for a successful relationship. Mutual respect and the acknowledgement that the two of you are individuals with different life experiences who have actively chosen to be together, creates the environment for compatibility. 

Every person is different and every relationship is different. The relationship you have in the future will not be the same what you had in the past. The things the two of you enjoy doing together may be different than the things you enjoyed doing before. The world is full of possibilities and a new partner opens you up to a whole range of new experiences. Enjoy!

When the initial coffee meeting goes well enough that you feel it is worthwhile seeing the lady again, it is best to arrange a second meeting (the first ‘date’) before you leave the initial meetup.

You could say something along the lines of “I’ve really enjoyed our coffee today, would you like to go for lunch on the weekend?”

It is preferable to arrange the second meeting there and then rather than say you will call. This also gives the person the opportunity to say if they are not keen to meet up again rather than dodging calls later.

A man should never say to a woman anything along the lines of  “If you are interested call me”.

The only woman who will possibly call in response to this is one who is either completely desperate or has ulterior motives.

When a man says that to a woman what he is saying to himself is “I don’t want to be pushy”

When a man says that to a woman what he is really saying to her is:

“I don’t like you enough to put any effort into pursuing you”

“I am unwilling to put any effort into any woman”

“I am putting the responsibility of anything coming from this meeting onto you and am not willing to accept any responsibility for the courtship process myself”

Under no circumstances should a man attempt or ask to kiss, cuddle, hold hands with or otherwise touch a woman on the first meeting.  Additionally discussing sex, either what you’ve had in the past or what you hope to have in the future is a no go. The way to tell a woman you are attracted to her is to ask her on a date, not to tell her you find her sexy etc. This will only be appealing to possibility 5% of women, so it is 95% likely that this will be a big turn off for the lady. If a man is sufficiently motivated by a woman to want to pursue some kind of intimacy with her, he should also be sufficiently motivated to show her the respect of a proper courtship process.